…I will be their voice…

Closing the Teach For America Blogging Gap
Nov 16 2011

revolving doors…..

I feel like my classroom has become a revolving door. As soon as we get settled at 20, someone transfers. I have my original maybe 13 out of 17…I have gotten 5 new ones since the beginning and a new one is starting tomorrow. That puts us at 18 which means we still have 2 more spots to fill…that is, if no one else decides to transfer or leave.

I got emotional at TAL training this weekend when a TFA staff member asked what our biggest challenges were in becoming a TAL teacher. I said, “it hurts me emotionally every time a student leaves my classroom…no matter the reason. I love welcoming new ones into my class, but at some point I am spending all my time creating a fantastic classroom culture and less time actually being an effective TAL teacher.”

When I said, “it hurts,” I mean that. It hurts my heart so much to see a child leave my classroom. I love each and everyone of my students for all of their very unique differences. Everyone of my students has something special about them, I get tears in my eyes everytime I get an email about a transfer. I often spend a moment questioning my abilities as a teacher and blame myself for not doing more…but most of the time, it is nothing I can fix. It is because of where they live or car troubles or moving…It isn’t me or my coteacher and yet…it still hurts.

I wake up each morning loving my job. No matter what is going on…no matter if I have paperwork up to my ears…no matter if I have 3 staff meetings in one week…I still LOVE my job. I hope that the revolving door closes after tomorrow so that I can move forward and really become an effective TAL teacher.

On to Wednesday my friends, on to Wednesday. :-)

3 Responses

  1. hill

    I understand you completely! In a span of a four weeks, I’ve lost three and gained five. It’s whirlwind. And each time one walks out that door, I think about all the things I could have done for them and never did. It’s tough.

  2. Today, I found out that yesterday while I was gone on my trip to see my family (first day I’ve taken off since we started first week of Aug…), one of my lowest 2nd grade boys withdrew. He has had some behavior problems and his first grade teacher kept rolling her eyes and calling me “lucky” when she found out that I had him. Anyway, he withdrew while I was gone. I feel SO guilty. He had JUST begun to really start to grow and find his passions. He was learning to work hard, and was seeing results, he was finding passion, and I could see in his eyes that he wanted to learn. He was making my classroom a better place instead of causing problems (well at least 3 or 4 days a week!)… I was so upset finding out that he left. I didn’t even get to say goodbye. I wanted so badly to see where he could go by the end of the year. Then I found a note today from him in our nice notes/suggestion box. “I love shchool now. it fun.”
    I cried.

    My classroom is a revolving door too, and it’s so hard to feel productive and like I can be a good teacher, when that happens day in and day out.
    (Sorry for the story but I knew you’d understand exactly how I feel.)
    Wednesday here we come!

    • K

      I understand how you feel. One of my sweetest students with probably the worst home situation left a month ago. I came across some of her work last week when i was cleaning my room and started crying. I have no idea where she went and how she is doing. It is heartbreaking.

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My adventures in teaching…

Region
Oklahoma
Grade
Early Childhood

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