This week literally has been the most challenging week of my life. Not only am I in this INTENSE environment where everyone is constantly going 90 to nothing (literally my SOM can walk across campus in 30 seconds, so impressive), but I have also had to push my brain to open up a little more and take in A TON of knowledge, some I already knew and some I had no clue about. On Wednesday when I left school my assignment was to finish 4 lesson plans…I was stressed to the max because I had used my entire work time during the day trying to hash out my vision with my CS. It was SOO SOOO SOOO hard for me to understand WHY I should make my students do something, and for what purpose? After a very long day, I finally just did it…and it felt awesome to finally understand. I called my mom when I got up to my dorm room (which looks like a really nice prison and is absolutely FREEZING) and was telling her about how much I had to do and how it is such a stressful environment and BLAH BLAH BLAH….when the words came back “I have to make your day worse…” I said, “What?” I honestly knew I couldn’t take it…I didn’t want to hear it. I literally have SO much going on in my head that I really could not process anymore information. I heard the words “PawPaw is dieing…they are giving him hours…”
My honest to god words were, “I need to call my CMA.” I couldn’t cry, I couldn’t be sad, I had so much going on, I could not internalize what was happening to me. As soon as I got downstairs to the cafeteria and the words came out of my mouth to my CMA, I lost it. I could not even understand what was happening and how I was supposed to do all of this work and make it mean something for my 22 awesome summer school students when my pawpaw was dieing and I needed to see my big brother.
This is why I know TFA is for me. My CMA literally just hugged me until I was ready to be done hugging. She told me to find out when I needed to go home and that TFA would respect me and my family. I wasn’t going to have to quit. I wasn’t going to be an awful teacher, but that we would work through it NO MATTER WHAT. From that moment on, I spent then next 48 hours with the most SUPPORTIVE people I have ever met. They checked on me constantly, helped me finish my lesson plans, took me out for a drink and a sushi roll, asked if I need to talk….I felt like even though my family was a 2 hour flight away, I had a small family here who truly cared about me.
So today, Saturday, I am flying home to be with my family. The funeral is Monday afternoon and I am flying back on the first direct flight Tuesday morning so I can be in my classroom ready to teach at 9am. I am absolutely positive I will more than likely fail that first day…BUT I am such a stronger person because of this week and I know that NO MATTER WHAT I will work through it…and I have 140 Oklahoma Corps and 70 Valley View teachers who won’t let me fail.
And I am so grateful for that.